Kyler and Elijah

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 Raising a child is scary. There, I said it. I'm also going to say that I genuinely love it, enjoy it and wouldn't want to be doing anything else with my life! Being a mommy is heart warming, hard, really fun, adventurous, painful, sacrificial...yeah all those things at the same time.  It was my dream as a little girl.  Now that I have two of my own and I am experiencing first hand what it's like to teach and train a child, part of me wants to clam up and just stop. They are my heart with legs walking around and I can't believe I am the one with part of the responsibility, along with Justin, to teach them. ME. The scatter brained, can't - get - anything - right person over here.  I'm scared of the obvious: messing up. Failing. Not being good enough for them.  Doing something wrong. I have this fear of not being able to explain things the right way and for them to understand.  

My personality is pretty laid back.  I tend to not stress over things and I am very flexible.  This can be very good.  And very bad.  I don't think things through like I should.  I do things spur of the moment which can be fun, but leads to disorganization, priorities getting left behind and sometimes I truly forget important things that need to be done.  I wonder if that part of my personality makes me more lenient with issues and makes it easier for me to let things go sometimes. You know, things that shouldn't be let go.  Like letting Kyler play with the remote anyway after countless times of telling him "don't touch". I mean he knows how to turn on Curious George so I could let him do it by himself, right? I could, but I need to be consistent with my "no's". I desire to be the perfect parent. UGH why can't that be realistic?  I want to be strict and enforce our rules and standards in a way that my kids will listen and obey but I also want to go about doing that in a loving and gentle way so that they will know why it's wrong to do such and such and obey me with a willing heart because they love me and trust me.  

I don't want to bore you with my parenting phobias though ( I think I already have, haha).  What I want to get across is this: I can't do this. I just can't. There is no way that I can raise our kids successfully with my strength. 

Let me add this: I can't do this alone. The only way to be successful is to do it with the Lord's strength. 

One thing I can do is choose to let the Lord lead. 

If I tried to do things in my own strength I would eventually get burnt out and run down.  

One thing that is on my mind, literally EVERY DAY, is will Kyler and Eli trust God with their life? Will they become Christians and be followers of Christ and doers of His words and commands?? I so long for this! It can't be a faith passed down to them because I am a Christian. It doesn't run in the blood. 

I get worried that I won't be able to explain the gospel correctly or in a way they will be able to understand and take in.  I get worried that I will fail as a parent and as a Christian if I can't explain it right.  

My problem is that I am just making it too complicated. It is simple. The Bible puts it best of course: 

Romans 5:8

 "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." 

Exodus 18:20

"Teach them [children] the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform."

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commmandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

Proverbs 22:6

"Train a child in the way he should go, 

and when he is old he will not turn from it."

It is up to me to let go of the way I think it should be done and let God lead. So that, through Him, I can be an example for my kids and teach them about Christ and how to trust and follow Him. 

We live next to a church that has three crosses on a hill behind the building. Kyler loves to go see the crosses and asks to almost everyday. I take advantage of those moments to tell him about Jesus dying on the cross for us and rising from the dead, defeating sin and making a way for us to live with Him in Heaven! I know he doesn't quite understand now, but I know he listens. He knows that "Bible", "cross" and "Jesus" go together.  

He loves his bible, asks for it and pretends to read it. He even asked to pray a few weeks ago for the first time! 

I pray that he and Elijah will come to know the Lord personally, trust Him with their life, walk with Him and live their life for The Lord and His glory! 

This blog post on Focus on the Family has a good list of ways to share the gospel with your kids: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/spiritual-growth-for-kids/sharing-the-gospel-with-your-children/growing-faithfull-kids

I have a lot of fears as a parent. But I know that God is on my side! With Him, all things are possible. Potty training, weaning, temper tantrums. God cares about it all. I'm so relieved that our children are in His care. And I am honored and tremendously blessed that He chose me to be their mommy.