2015

 

 

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I don't really do New Years Resolutions exactly, but I do like the idea of starting "fresh" and trying new things. Using the new year for that is a good way of doing it. I also like to look back and see what I've learned - 2014 was the year my first son turned one year old. It was the year of mine and Justin's second wedding anniversary. It brought me a new sweet little niece and a tiny new human of my own, Elijah Riley. 

 

 

I really came to learn what it means to be a mommy. All the constant, giving of time, sleep, energy. There were sacrifices I had to make in order to make sure my kids were well taken care of. I learned to give, give, give of myself and take the smiles from my two boys as reward. Which I thought, sometimes, would be enough for me. As completely wonderful as pleasing my family is to me, unless I am doing it for God and His glory, it is all in vain. Putting God FIRST and doing this life for HIS glory and purpose is what it's all about. I have the strength from God and the genuine love and desire to please my family once I set my priorities straight. 

 

 

 

 

So that was kind of my theme this past year. "Only what's done for Christ will last".  I itched to go out and DO things, pass out Bibles, see people saved, have small group Bible studies, disciple people, invite people to our home a lot, go on mission trips...these things are so, so important. And YES I can do some of these things. For example, we were able to pass out gospels of John to people, help lead worship through song at churches, invite people to our home, things like that. But I learned that I needed to be content with where God has me and know that being a wife + mother and praising/supporting my husband and raising our sons is what I needed to concentrate on. This is where God has me. And I wouldn't want it any other way. It's not so easy for me to "go" places and "do" things. But I choose to glorify God with where He has me and always be willing to go wherever He leads me. 

 

Going back to being a mother now. 

 I'm so thankful for the years I had to grow in Christ before marriage and kids. So thankful for having a relationship with Christ at a young age. I needed that time to figure out what I believe and to learn about who God is and live my life like His. Of course I am still learning and will continue to because our God is completely amazing and deep.  I've come to the conclusion that I am SO selfish. And I don't think I would have considered myself a really selfish person before kids and even before I got married. I honestly love thinking of others. My personality leans towards wanting to give to others and love them and make sure they know they are loved. Buuuut, I have found myself thinking of ME and all I've done, all I've sacrificed, how much I give of myself and that people should do things for ME and that everything I do goes unnoticed. 

My sweet husband has gotten the brunt of these feelings, unfortunately. I would expect Justin to come home after work and help me clean, remember to take the trash out, take care of the kids or help with supper. When he wouldn't do all these things I would get upset and wonder why!? Why am I the one who has to do all this stuff!? Natalie. Really? First of all it is YOUR job as a wife and mommy. Secondly, Justin works 10-11 hour shifts with early hours and not much sleep, around hot, greasy food, managing a restaurant and you expect him to come home and continue to work? He needs a break! (Plus, he goes to school full time for his business major). Well guess what. My super hero of a husband DOES cook supper a LOT and helps me clean and watch the kids. Without saying a single negative word. But I shouldn't expect him to.  Or get upset if he actually wants to come home and catch up on the rest his body needs.

 

 

This is from last year, but it's a good example of his being my hero ;)

 

Oh my heart! He lights up for his daddy.

 

 

 I have been learning to take pleasure in the job I've been given and do it without complaint. Or nagging. Or self-centered thoughts. It's easier said than done, but that is sort of my theme for this year. "He must increase but I must decrease" John 3:30 . It's not about me. I don't deserve a single thing. I was sinner headed for destruction before I asked the Lord to live in my heart and make me a new creature. I am nothing without Christ. So why in the WORLD do I have the selfish thoughts!?? It is a battle humans fight and must conquer constantly because we are not perfect. We must strive for perfection - but the only human who ever lived or will live a perfect life is Jesus. 

 

It will be a daily thing for me to sacrifice things and give willingly and so freely of myself to my family. It's such a beautiful thing about motherhood.  It is something I should enjoy and not complain about. I pray that when I am rewarded, acknowledged or helped, that I will remember it's not me that earned it. It is the Lord within me! 

"Love suffers long and is kind; love envies not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up, does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil." 

1  c o r i n t h i a n s  1 3 : 4 - 5 

I love the lyrics to this song, "Much of You" by Steven Curtis Chapman:

 

How could I stand here
And watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains
Where they touch the sky

Ponder the vastness
And the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
The point of it all was to make much of me

Cause I'm just a whisper
And You are the thunder and... 

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of

I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

And how can I kneel here
And think of the cross
The thorns and the whip
and the nails and the spear

The infinite cost
To purchase my pardon
And bear all my shame
To think I have anything worth boasting in
Except for Your name 

This is Your love, oh God
Not to make much of me
But to send Your own Son
So that we could make much of You
For all eternity