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So last night Justin and I stayed up late watching a movie because we could sleep in this morning. 5:45 AM. I faintly hear little footsteps coming down the hall and all the sudden Kyler is next to me on the bed. Oh hi. "Mommy, waaaatch. Waaaaatch!" (Watch tv) So after a few almost wonderful moments in bed (almost, because you know...half my mind is asleep and the other half is wondering what my two year old is doing around the house) I got up to "waaaatch". Went ahead and got Eli up and fed him too. The TV distracted for only so long and now Kyler is being a prime example of a toddler with a short attention span, going from one of his crazy obsession to another. Wash hands!??? Clean up!?? Write chalk!?? Hold baby??? You've got to remember, I'm over here half asleep on the couch watching Super Why by myself now (Eli was smart and went back to bed). Yeah it has been one of those days that I had bipolar emotions:
"I really want my sleep, will you GO BACK TO SLEEP KID!?"
"I love getting up early though because the day feels longer, I can get more things done, and spend this time with my sweet baby Kyl...Kyler what are you doing, stop baby, you shouldn't be doing that!"
"Kyler is driving me CRAZY, he just keeps needing spankings and "get on to" talks, I can't believe this morning!"
"Awww my baby is SO SWEEET. I can't believe he helped set the table and wants to hold his baby brother so much! He's just so cute when he sings "Jesus summy" (Jesus Loves Me). How can I be mad at him."
"Every time I say something, he WHINES. This is so unlike my sweetheart Kyler. I just wish he'd stooooop"
"I need to remember he's been sick and still doesn't feel good. This happens with every sickness"
See the pattern...impatience, mercy, impatience, mercy, impatience, mercy...and some of that mercy might have been crazy mom hormones.
I don't see Jesus in me when I react impatiently and ungraciously. I don't see Jesus in me when I get lazy and let Kyler get away with things he shouldn't. This is a reminder to ME and to all those who struggle with it... Don't make your hormones+emotions excuses. I know it's hard, but I believe that God can work in and through us and give us women a meek (gentle, submissive) and quiet spirit even when, inside, we feel like a momzilla.
"Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear. but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
1 p e t e r 3 : 3 - 4
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us."
e p h e s i a n s 3 : 2 0
He is able. We aren't able! HE is able. But we have that choice to make whether or not we will give Him control over our emotions.
I think it's so easy for us, especially women, to blame our hormones. But we just can't. It definitely makes things harder, but nothing is impossible with God. He is bigger than our emotional battles! We can have joy in knowing of His hope, His steadfast, unfailing love, His compassion and grace towards us. Don't forget to talk to Him about it too, He really cares. He cares for the little details, you can see that through His intricate creation.
"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."
1 p e t e r 5 : 7
They can drive me crazy, but I never ever stop loving them like crazy.
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